Activity: Checking-In
Remember Ali and Sarah? Help Sarah use Golden Rule #1 Say What You See to check in with Ali.
Hey, sorry I missed your call. So much homework 😫
What’s with you lately? Are you avoiding me?
This might make Ali defensive.
You stuck to the facts and opened up the conversation.
Story: Erica and Liv
Check out this video from Erica and her sister, Liv, to learn how Erica applied Show You Care to support Liv through a tough time.
Welcome to the Be There Certificate!
Congrats on taking the first step towards learning to better support your peers and loved ones.
Throughout the course, you’ll learn:
- Warning signs that someone might be struggling with their mental health
- Be There’s 5 Golden Rules – a practical framework to support someone who’s struggling.
- Self-care tips, because your mental health is just as important as anyone else’s!
You'll get to:
- Learn from quick tutorials explaining each Golden Rule
- Take in stories from folks who have been there for their loved ones
- Test your knowledge with interactive quizzes
- Practice applying the Golden Rules to real life scenarios
What to expect:
Once you complete all 6 Lessons, you’ll receive the coveted Be There Certificate! Along the way, you’ll also receive badges and encouragement from fellow learners. It takes about two hours to complete but, don’t worry, if you need a break we’ll automatically save your progress up to the last page you finished.
You’ll get started in just a minute. First, a few quick questions.
“It’s too expensive. I can’t afford it.”
- Research what is covered by their school or employer insurance policies.
- Make a monthly budget with them or share a template they can fill in themselves.
- Research community programs or other free options.
“It’s too far away. There isn’t anything near me.”
- Research options for online therapy or helplines.
- For highschoolers: Ask your guidance counselor what support is available locally.
- For university or college students: Visit the campus wellness center to see what services are available.
“I’m too busy. I don’t have time.”
- Suggest they list out everything they have to do, then help them prioritize what needs to get done and what can wait.
- Help them write out a schedule for the week with time set aside for major commitments and top priorities.
- Ask how you can help get things done
- Encourage them to find a therapist who can be flexible on what time they meet.
“I don’t have a car. I can’t get there.”
- Brainstorm other options for them like getting a bike, taking transit or asking a friend for a ride.
- They can ask their therapist or counsellor if they have virtual or phone options.
“It’s embarrassing. I don’t want anyone to find out.”
- Mental health professionals have confidentiality commitments they must uphold. Do some research or contact a provider to ask them.
- If they’re speaking with a counsellor, they can specify how they’d like to be contacted to maintain privacy.
- Consider calling or texting an anonymous helpline.
“I can’t do online therapy. I don’t have any privacy at home.”
- Consider going for a walk and do therapy over the phone instead of through the internet.
- Explore options to book a private space at school, a friend’s house or even a local community center.
Let’s take a short break and rest our brains for a sec with this fun quiz. It’s mostly just for fun, but the questions might also help you reflect on strengths you already have as well as areas you can work on when it comes to listening. Sound good? (Get it? Sound good? 😉)
Check-in Champ
As the champion of checking-in you pride yourself on making people feel seen. You’re great at noticing when someone isn’t doing well, but keep in mind that champions are made through practice and hard work. To continue honing your listening skills, remember to ask open-ended questions, validate how they’re feeling and don’t interrupt.
Bobble head
During tough conversations you’re great at validating how someone is feeling and not interrupting. Like a bobblehead, you often nod to show that you’re listening. But if your neck needs a break, try offering a hug or a shoulder to cry on. Remember to ask open-ended questions to help them open up and make eye contact to show that you’re paying attention.
Hugger
Bear hugs are your speciality. When a friend needs a hug, they turn to you. To become an even better listener, remember to validate how they’re feeling, ask open-ended questions and make eye contact to show you’re listening. These actions can give people that warm, fuzzy feeling the same way hugs do!
Eye Contact Master
You’re so good at making eye contact, you’ve probably never lost a staring contest! But don’t limit yourself to just one skill, it’s time to diversify. Try asking open-ended questions and nodding to show that you’re listening. Body posture is important too; uncross your arms and relax.
Content Warning: Mention of suicidal ideation.
Content Warning: Mention of suicidal ideation.
Liv: Hi I’m Liv, and this is my older sister, Erica.
Erica: Hi I’m Erica, and this is my younger sister, Liv. When Liv was in the hospital, I would go visit her every day and I was checking in with her and really trying to show her that I cared for her at a time when she wasn’t caring about herself. When I would go to visit her, I would always try to think of something to get her excited about being alive, honestly. We both love animals so much, it’s something that we’ve always connected on.
Liv: I got out of the hospital after being in the constant observation unit and Erica came to pick me up. She was like, “Hey, I’m going to this farm and it’s really cool. I think that could be a good place for you, why don’t we go there?” And I was in a place where I was like, “Yeah, sure whatever. Take me to the farm.”
Erica: I brought her up to the farm and was hoping that maybe that would be a safe space for her to get a little bit more well.
Liv: I think that was the first time I realized that you knew how to be there for me. It means so much to have someone hear you without you having to use words, but also give you space to use your words. Because there were a lot of moments when you looked at me and asked, “What do you need?” You don’t know. I don’t know, so how could you know? So you’d be like, “I’m going to try this and you let me know if it works. And if it doesn’t we’ll try something else.” I think that farm was really the first time we really hit the nail on the head. We were like, “This is exactly what we need.”
Erica: I tried to think about what she had really benefited from in the past, and understood that she might not be able to ask me for it in that moment because she wasn’t in that headspace at that time.
Liv: Even if I had known that farm is what I needed, I was in a place where I didn’t want good things for myself so I wouldn’t have asked for that either. It’s hard! It’s really hard! You had these moments when you gave me a lot of peace and a lot of joy and laughter. You never made me feel sick. You never made me feel like you were doing me a favor, which I think really helped. You let me feel that I was a person. It was almost like you had your arms out to catch me if I was going to fall, but you weren’t right there being like, “You’re going to fall and I’m going to catch you.”
Erica: There’s a lot of power in taking the time to just be there for someone, even if you’re just sitting with them. You don’t have to put pressure on an interaction. Just physically being there for someone, that’s enough to show them that you care.
Liv: That whole summer, I barely remember much of it because of everything, but whenever I think back I always just think of you. If anything sticks out from that time, it was you. You were my rock. [Meow.] [Laughter]
According to Be There, how should you create a safe environment for someone struggling with their mental health?
A classmate is feeling so anxious about an upcoming exam that they’re nauseous and have barely eaten all week. This change is…
Ali joined the science club
Fill in the blanks:
Optional Videos
Bryanna: Hi, my name is Bryanna.
Ashna: Hi, I’m Ashna. We met about two years ago through graduate school. We ended up sitting at the same orientation table and we’ve been friends ever since.
Bryanna: So being friends with Ashna and knowing her the way that I do, I know that she’s introverted. And so sometimes being with groups, it can be really overwhelming.
Ashna: After a lot of social time I feel like I need to recharge. And no one’s really asked me what that looks like or what I need.
Bryanna: When I had friends up to a cottage one weekend, I had told Ashna that she’s welcome to use an extra space where there wouldn’t be so many people. And I didn’t know if she would use it or not but I wanted to let her know that I was thinking about her and how would she feel in that situation and that was available to her if that’s what she needed.
Ashna: I just really appreciated that you were taking the extra step to make sure I was comfortable and that I could have a fun time. You didn’t assume that I needed any of that, you were totally cool with whatever. You let me set the terms of what I needed.
Bryanna: By Ashna talking about her experiences, indicated to me that I could check on her in a way that I felt comfortable doing so. I would notice things, if she stopped coming to events, or she was quieter that was an indication for me to pry a little further and say, “Really how are you doing? I’m here for you and I care about you.”
Ashna: And you’re never judgmental, I can be honest with you, like, “I’m having a really bad day” or, “Things have been really tough” and I don’t feel like you’re going to just dismiss it or brush me off or anything like that. I feel like you genuinely care.
Bryanna: Sometimes when she was sharing what was going on, it wasn’t the right space for me. And so instead of answering quickly or ignoring, I would just say, “Hey I really appreciate you sharing this, I’m thinking about you but let me respond when I can give you a thoughtful response. When Ashna opens up to me and tells me things that are going on, I don’t always know what to say. But what I do know to say is that I’m here for you, and that I’m sorry that’s what you’re going through, and how can I help? Asking her what I can do to be there for her.
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