Activity: Checking-In
Remember Ali and Sarah? Help Sarah use Golden Rule #1 Say What You See to check in with Ali.
Hey, sorry I missed your call. So much homework 😫
What’s with you lately? Are you avoiding me?
This might make Ali defensive.
You stuck to the facts and opened up the conversation.
Story: Tunchai and Lindsay
Check out this video from Tunchai and her friend, Lindsay, for an important message about being creative and broadening where we look for help.
Welcome to the Be There Certificate!
Congrats on taking the first step towards learning to better support your peers and loved ones.
Throughout the course, you’ll learn:
- Warning signs that someone might be struggling with their mental health
- Be There’s 5 Golden Rules – a practical framework to support someone who’s struggling.
- Self-care tips, because your mental health is just as important as anyone else’s!
You'll get to:
- Learn from quick tutorials explaining each Golden Rule
- Take in stories from folks who have been there for their loved ones
- Test your knowledge with interactive quizzes
- Practice applying the Golden Rules to real life scenarios
What to expect:
Once you complete all 6 Lessons, you’ll receive the coveted Be There Certificate! Along the way, you’ll also receive badges and encouragement from fellow learners. It takes about two hours to complete but, don’t worry, if you need a break we’ll automatically save your progress up to the last page you finished.
You’ll get started in just a minute. First, a few quick questions.
“It’s too expensive. I can’t afford it.”
- Research what is covered by their school or employer insurance policies.
- Make a monthly budget with them or share a template they can fill in themselves.
- Research community programs or other free options.
“It’s too far away. There isn’t anything near me.”
- Research options for online therapy or helplines.
- For highschoolers: Ask your guidance counselor what support is available locally.
- For university or college students: Visit the campus wellness center to see what services are available.
“I’m too busy. I don’t have time.”
- Suggest they list out everything they have to do, then help them prioritize what needs to get done and what can wait.
- Help them write out a schedule for the week with time set aside for major commitments and top priorities.
- Ask how you can help get things done
- Encourage them to find a therapist who can be flexible on what time they meet.
“I don’t have a car. I can’t get there.”
- Brainstorm other options for them like getting a bike, taking transit or asking a friend for a ride.
- They can ask their therapist or counsellor if they have virtual or phone options.
“It’s embarrassing. I don’t want anyone to find out.”
- Mental health professionals have confidentiality commitments they must uphold. Do some research or contact a provider to ask them.
- If they’re speaking with a counsellor, they can specify how they’d like to be contacted to maintain privacy.
- Consider calling or texting an anonymous helpline.
“I can’t do online therapy. I don’t have any privacy at home.”
- Consider going for a walk and do therapy over the phone instead of through the internet.
- Explore options to book a private space at school, a friend’s house or even a local community center.
Let’s take a short break and rest our brains for a sec with this fun quiz. It’s mostly just for fun, but the questions might also help you reflect on strengths you already have as well as areas you can work on when it comes to listening. Sound good? (Get it? Sound good? 😉)
Check-in Champ
As the champion of checking-in you pride yourself on making people feel seen. You’re great at noticing when someone isn’t doing well, but keep in mind that champions are made through practice and hard work. To continue honing your listening skills, remember to ask open-ended questions, validate how they’re feeling and don’t interrupt.
Bobble head
During tough conversations you’re great at validating how someone is feeling and not interrupting. Like a bobblehead, you often nod to show that you’re listening. But if your neck needs a break, try offering a hug or a shoulder to cry on. Remember to ask open-ended questions to help them open up and make eye contact to show that you’re paying attention.
Hugger
Bear hugs are your speciality. When a friend needs a hug, they turn to you. To become an even better listener, remember to validate how they’re feeling, ask open-ended questions and make eye contact to show you’re listening. These actions can give people that warm, fuzzy feeling the same way hugs do!
Eye Contact Master
You’re so good at making eye contact, you’ve probably never lost a staring contest! But don’t limit yourself to just one skill, it’s time to diversify. Try asking open-ended questions and nodding to show that you’re listening. Body posture is important too; uncross your arms and relax.
Tunchai: Ɂedlanet’e-a. [How are you?] My name is Tunchai.
Lindsay: Taanishi. [Hello] My name is Lindsay.
Tunchai: We’ve been supporting Indigenous youth and Indigenous youth mental health for many, many years, and we met out of a conference that was focused on Indigenous youth organizing and mental health. We are constantly hearing about the deaths of young people in communities that we are connected to and so it’s almost like you’re constantly dealing with that cycle of grief. It takes a toll on all of us.
Lindsay: In a lot of Indigenous communities there isn’t the same access to services or to mental health supports that may be present within urban communities or in other locations.
Tunchai: And sometimes it might not feel like you have anybody to talk to or like you have anybody that you can trust. But there also are other ways to reach out for help. For me that looks like going out to the river, out to the lake, sitting by my favorite tree. And that’s a really integral part of our Indigenous identity is our connection to land. There are different creative ways that you can access help that isn’t necessarily going to see a counsellor.
Lindsay: I think that’s what is different about Indigenous young people taking on leadership in life promotion and healing work is we have these other options or these other priorities of relationships that can guide us and support us.
Tunchai: A source of help that is often overlooked I think is laughter. In Indigenous teachings and Indigenous communities we consider laughter medicine. And when I hear of events or something that happens that triggers my own mental health and I’m really struggling, often we’ll come together as friends and we just laugh or we find things to laugh about, we find those elements of light and love and humour.
Lindsay: For people experiencing isolation, you know, there’s digital options for hearing words of support like in the We Matter videos.
Tunchai: Maybe like reading books or stories of people who you really resonate with like reading comic books and superheroes you resonate with. For me, my dog has been like a big saving grace in my life and being able to build a connection with my pet is a big part of my own mental wellness. So there are definitely so many different avenues of help that you can access, that you maybe wouldn’t think of.
Lindsay: I think we need to diversify. We can’t place all of our reliance on one person or one resource. Depending on circumstances you may need different things, so that’s why we try and encourage youth to take a look, see what they have, and diversify who they lean on and how they access support.
According to Be There, how should you create a safe environment for someone struggling with their mental health?
A classmate is feeling so anxious about an upcoming exam that they’re nauseous and have barely eaten all week. This change is…
Ali joined the science club
Fill in the blanks:
Optional Videos
Estyr: Hi, I’m Estyr.
Kirbie: And I’m Kirby. I’d say our friendship really deepened in third year university for me. I was going through the super tough life transition of coming out as queer. We both come from, like, a pretty conservative side of Christianity, where it’s really tough for queer people to find their place and find support, acceptance, and love. Estyr was one of the most important people who encouraged me to be who I am and to discover who that is and celebrate that. A byproduct of the coming out process was that the depression and anxiety that I had experienced my entire life really hit me hard. I entered into a period of pretty deep depression and at that time we were living together and Estyr became, like, my number one rock.
Estyr: I’ve always wanted to be a helper, and I was taught to be a helper.
Kirbie: And she’s good at it.
Estyr: That’s so nice, thank you. That comes from obviously a good place, but it also comes from a place of insecurity and wanting to be loved and wanting to be useful, also a place of obligation sometimes. And that’s something that I had to adjust through a lot of pain because I had a couple of friends who really needed mental health supports and I failed in those friendships to direct them to the supports that they needed. And so because this was kinda like not my first rodeo I knew Kirbie – you are wonderful and I want to give you everything that you need, but now I finally know that I can’t give you everything you need. So a big part of our story was me hassling you to go to counselling for over a year and sometimes I’m sure that didn’t feel kind, that didn’t feel warm or inviting.
Kirbie: Yeah, I did need to broaden my support system.
Estyr: But you’ve cultivated some really amazing friendships within the queer community that enrich your life in a way that I don’t enrich your life. It’s been really cool to see that and to see you grow in the context of those other friendships. So proud of you for that.
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