Content Warning: Mention of sexual assault and suicidal ideation.

Gaya: Hi I’m Gaya.

Erin: And I’m Erin, and we’ve been friends for about five years now, since grade 6. Since that first time we met, our relationship really has blossomed into a sisterhood. I really feel like I am part of her family. I honestly now would call her my sister. I call her parents my Hebrew parents, my Eema and my Abba.

Gaya: I remember you’d always come over for Shabbat dinners and we’d all take you in as our family because of everything that we’ve gone through. I realized that Erin stopped coming to school as much. You were very distant from everyone, you pushed yourself away. I remember one day I saw her running to the bathroom during our rehearsals. She didn’t look great and I never ran faster in my entire life. I ran to the washroom and I looked at her and I was like, “Erin, what is going on? You need to talk to me.” And I remember she’s turning around, she’s shutting me away. I took her hand and was like, “You need to talk to me. What is going on?”

Erin: That was when I revealed to Gaya that I had been sexually assaulted only a few months before. I was really having a hard time coping with it.

Gaya: I remember looking at each other and you finally opened up and we both had tears running down our faces. Little grade 8s being emotional. And suddenly, all I remember is your eyes, they started having light in them.

Erin: Before this moment this was something that I wanted to pretend was a nightmare, that I wanted to pretend never happened, that I tried to take out of my mind completely.

Gaya: The major thing that made me ask her what was going on was seeing how upset and closed off she was.

Erin: Broken really was how I felt. The process of recovering from a situation like that. After my diagnosis of PTSD in grade 9, that just isn’t something you can get through without a support system.

Gaya: This is one of the things we can get through, but we will get through it together. And I told her, I said, “Erin, you are not alone. I’m here for you.” I remember we were just talking, sitting there on the bathroom floor. At first you were telling me what was going on, and I remember you crying on my shoulder. And I was like, “It’s ok, it’s all going to be ok. It’s another thing that we’re going to overcome.” And I told you, “We’re going to overcome it together because you’re not alone.”

Erin: That moment really was taking a 100 pounds and lifting it off my chest. I was at the point where if I hadn’t told somebody I was contemplating suicide, and I had self harmed to the point where it was very dangerous. And if you had never followed me into that bathroom and if you had never yelled at me to tell you what was going on, I never would have got to be the person I am today.

‍

Nightingale: Hi, my name is Nightingale.

Henry: My name is Henry.

Nightingale: And we both met in Henry’s car.

Henry: Yes, 5am. Yeah we actually ended up going to a shoot for a short film.

Nightingale: I remember us talking in the car about how we were overcoming mental health issues or just like overcoming a lot of challenges in our lives.

Henry: Early 2019 I had a lot of uncontrollable circumstances that happened and we just bought a condo with a mortgage. During the transition in the move I got hit by a car but I was trying to stay positive and figure out how I can get through this because I kept telling myself it’s temporary, it’s only temporary. And then eventually it got to that point where I couldn’t wash the dishes I couldn’t even cook, like all these basic tasks. And the scariest thing was that I wasn’t enjoying my time with my daughter. That’s when, for the very first time, I told my boss, “I’m suffering from depression. I’m also suffering from anxiety.”

Nightingale: Now you’re just so open with talking about your struggles and how you are willing to be an advocate and for me that’s just so important to know that I have someone in my corner, if I ever need anything. You know, we can all just have a conversation and it’s not about taking action but it’s more like, “hey this is what’s happening. I just want you to sit and listen.”

Henry: I was taught to be a model son, to be a model husband, to be a loving father and I was trying to take on three pillars. Now I kind of understand where I’m getting all this. It’s part culture, my upbringing, some things I’ve been taught that I thought were right.

Nightingale: Just seeing you navigate through your feelings, that’s just some hero work, especially for your daughter. He has a daughter and he just wants to set a good example for his family and just take one step forward in the right direction. So that’s just some hero work.

Henry: Thank you.

Nightingale: Just listening to anyone’s personal stories is always going to be very hard but I think that the main thing is that you just have to show that you’re there for that person. I feel like your way of opening up to me is your way of saying, “Hey I’m here for you if you have anything.”

Henry: To be able to be open and share those stories makes it so much easier, especially on the person, because no one needs to hide that kind of stuff.

‍

Abeer: My name is Abeer I was born in Pakistan as well. And I emigrated to Canada when I was 15.

Zarrar: My first impression of the Abeer was that very warm, welcoming presence. And I initially felt like, I feel a part of a community. And that is really important.

Abeer: Yeah, I think we bonded really well on our like shared values, especially when it comes to like working in the mental health space. So like, based on culture, religion, and I think that was really great. When we started working together two years ago,

Zarrar: Support in the context of Abeer and I's friendship has looked like a knowing that even if we're not talking all the time, or and even in professional settings, that I have someone I can trust someone I can go to if I need to, and that I always feel it's always easier for me to speak in the environment when Abeer is there, which is feels really good. So I remember, we had a call, where we just checked in on each other, we're there for each other to see, how are you doing? I know, this is difficult. I hear you, I support you. What do you need from me? And, you know, what can I do for you, and that made it all so much easier just to know that in this like, tornado of things going on, there was a space that I could go to and just be there for each other. In moments when I get really pressured. I think sometimes I have a tendency to self isolate 

Abeer: When he would like maybe not respond to messages or like except meeting invites late I would be like, Okay, this might be a point where I want to check in because I know that he's like, so great at like getting things done right away.

Zarrar: Check ins, I think are so important just to reach out and say hey, how's it going like that can be enough to to pull someone out of that space.

Abeer: What I've learned is nobody wants to suffer, nobody wants to be stuck. Nobody wants to hide away from talking about their struggles and receiving the support that they need. So when we experience shame and guilt and embarrassment, it's coming from somewhere, when I immigrated to Canada with my family, there was this kind of feeling that Oh, my parents sacrificed so much to bring me here. And they have let go of so much like a great life that they had and just for me to like Excel in this new place. And if I'm not doing that best if I'm struggling, that then I felt like oh, I'm letting them down.

Zarrar: You know, a lot of times we grow up being conditioned to feel bad about feeling bad, and feeling anxious about feeling anxious. And that can lead to this vicious cycle and push us further away from ourselves.

Abeer: Being from like a similar background. I think that space is something I really value.

Zarrar: I would completely consider Abeer to be one of those people who I trust and I know that I can go to and likewise the other way around where I know Abeer has gone through a struggle and I've been able to be there for her and that's a very that's a nice place to be in a friendship